Thursday, 4 February 2010
Hi,... I'm going to try and sum myself up,.. No lies, arrogance, bullshit, judgement, or secrets, well *oops* there's my first mistake, my one and only, one secret, my name, but you can call me Panda ;).
I don't really know where to start, because 1- I can talk for the world, and never shut up. 2- Its like broken glass.. but the pieces are so small, you don't know what piece to pick up first to fix it all back together. But I guess, some things just don't fix. The sharp, little, glowing pieces just cut your hands as you try to restore the millions of tears into the beauty and innocence it once was.
When you would give anything to be anyone, but yourself. Lies once told, past that cant be forgotten, pain and hatred that words can't seem to describe. When you would do anything, just to feel okay. Your not asking for the world to be perfect, you just want to feel okay.. When you can't say what the problem is that makes you feel this way, because there is not just one problem. But thing is... It's you. You are it,... the problem.
Food, wow.. *haha*... Honestly, the last thing you should be thinking about right now is stuffing your face. The fat weighs you down, makes people feel sick, even makes you feel sick when you see the outcome of shovelling all that shit into your mouth, on your legs. Do you feel better at night, cuddling up into your bed, knowing you didn't need that extra bit of lard weighing you down, piling on the guilt. Throwing it up, yeah its better than leaving it congealing in your greedy pit, but you would have been a far stronger person if you didn't eat it in the first place.
This is how I feel most days, this is the way MY mind works. Yes, I am aware that some people do not understand, yet alone agree with this concept. But may I point out, I did not choose to feel this way, but I feel it everyday with every inch of my thoughts and body. So...
I am going to do something about it =] ... Time to be the person I want to be,.. The person I think deserves the best, someone beautiful, strong and memorable. I want to be thin, I want to be fragile, petite, I want to get rid of the poison and badness, the food burning through my insides. I will get there.. I will,... I have to. And if your reading this and feel anything close to the way I do, fight the blackness, don't let it engulf and suffocate you. The greed and selfishness is like a plastic bag spreading through your lungs, up your neck, till you can no longer fight for air. No food, no poison, no evil spreading through your veins, no suffocation.
I realised the world is too hard, you can't get through it alone. So I'm going to get through it with being thin and hopefully there are people that understand, and can be my fuel instead. =]
Love Panda <3
What demon are you?...
Gluttony is not attractive ;]