Sunday, 23 May 2010


First off im sorry for the last post.. Pathetic and embarrassing.. I guess its the real me showing through. Desperate. Week and selfish.... I broke down to people I shouldnt have again. I didnt even cut myself and I still want to.. I just cant stand myself.. Like hate everything.. Its mainly all anger tho.. Like I dont get upset anymore its just frustration. I cant even find the right words.. I cant even trust myself,its poisoning me slowly.. Its spreading.. through my veins and taking over everything.. Creeping up and hurting all the people I love and I cant stop it. The only way to get rid of it is to get rid of myself. And I know I probably dont even make sense and I seem like an utter freak.. But im just fucked... Just I dont want to hurt anymore :(

Saturday, 22 May 2010


im druhnk ... hurt and wna hurt myself... i hate evything .. fml... and why the fuck is everything so hard... i dont wna wake up 2mro

Friday, 21 May 2010

Old granny

Been a good day :)boring tho.. I'm really going to fail my exams, well do shit without a doubt. Iv done no work. Well I have but not enough.
My mind seems to be else where, but I'm not feeling anything if that makes sense..
And I swear since these antidepressants have had effect, Ive had nothing to write about.. Well no fierce emotions like I have felt before.. And I don't know if that's a good thing.. Its a bit boring to be honest. But at least I'm surviving! And no one is on my back for my eating!
Holiday coming up soon too.. I need to focus and try motivate myself even more so I don't mess up.
Just spent past hours looking at thinspo.. Literally hours.. repetitive clicking of a button.. But I guess that's better than repetitive chewing..
I'm living off liquids and fruit at the moment.. and no eating past 6. So far today Ive had a banana, 2 apples and an orange :)
I'm loving tea at the moment too.. my obsession for coffee seems to have faded which is quite odd... Jesus I feel like such a boring old fart... I'm talking about shit, or not talking at all.. What has happened to me!!? Sorry for the lack of personality lately :( Hope you are all keeping well!

Love always Panda x

Sunday, 16 May 2010


Fed up of fighting and trying my hardest for things that just don't seem to ever happen, or your never good enough.. How people want you to be theirs but they want to change everything about you! Its like why the fuck do you want me to begin with!
How out try so hard to please people and in the end they are never satisfied, So you just think what the fuck would happen if you didn't try to begin with.. Maybe people wouldn't expect so much, so you wouldn't be that much of a let down..
I'm tired of it.. Why try so hard.. =@ and I'm really struggling to find the motivation to lose weight as well.. No motivation to write .. No motivation for anything..

Monday, 10 May 2010

Normal day.

Spent weekend at boyfriends house, miss him already. Food wise it wasnt great but now im back and today was good. Not much new with me =/ bit boring..