Sunday, 11 April 2010
I never learn.. Me and alcohol were never a good pair. I dont quite know what it is but I lose all self-control and let all the truth pour out.
Saw my one of my ex's the other night, he poured his heart out telling me he loved me. Thank god it wasnt the ex I was in 'love' with. One of my previous friends, whom I had a past with, came onto me, while I was drunk. I know I wasnt happy, I didnt have sex with him. I cried told everyone I needed to go home because I needed to hurt myself. I was a total mess. Embarrassingly pathetic.
When I got home, I called my boyfriend who is on holiday in another country atm, crying my eyes out telling him yet again I just wanted to die. Told my parents alot of my worries too. Then I never got out of bed the next day. Because I couldnt face the world. I think I freaked out because I felt myself slipping back, back to the drugs, alcohol, sex and it scared me. Drink is the main thing I cannot say no to.
Thought my boyfriend was going to leave me, after he told me he couldnt deal with any of this. I spoke to him on the phone for hours and sorted things out. I think im lucky this time and things are going to fall appart if I dont pull myself together.
I hate being the embarrassing, ugly person who cant control themselves.
No more of this.