Wow..

Fuck everything.

My ex got in touch with me, after me ignoring his emails for months. We spoke. My ex, that I was seeing for 3 years. My ex that I wanted to spend my life with. My junky ex, that had a baby before he was with me. My pathetic ex that called me a slut, and said he was scared I would kill myself if he left me.
My charming ex wants me back.
I said no. I told him I didn't love him anymore.
I can't help but think in the back of my mind, 'what if'.
So many questions. Why did he leave me? What if we were still together? How has he been without me??
Should I still love him?

I binged yesterday, and the day before. I wanted to spend this weekend with my current boyfriend, whom I do love with all my heart. But That fucked up..
So I'm about to binge today, about to go get a snickers, to comfort eat and I feel disgusting already...
I caught sight of my legs in the mirror and I cant believe they are actually mine.
Short, thick, wobbly stumps.
And the sad thing is, right now I feel like there's no fucking point in stopping myself eating, I'm always going to stay the same, I'm pathetic...