Wow..

I stayed at his. He loved me. He held my hand. We fell asleep. He never let go.
I was normal..


Too normal.
Now we are apart I realised just how I was letting myself slip into lack of control.
Weight has to be lost.
I'm on antidepressants now, hope they go well.
My stomach is disgusting from all the food Ive been eating, I don't even want to think about it. But as of tomorrow, its on, no more being a push over and giving in.
My house is an utter mess which makes me feel even more out of control.

Today Ive had far too much cereal, not good at all. I hate holidays, they arnt supposed to be called holidays, things shouldn't all relax! 8)
But it was really strange I got back after the weekend, weighed myself straight away, was 53 kilos, no where near as bad as I thought it would be, but nowhere near good enough.

I will make it, eventually.